The end of an era...

sorta, kinda, not really.  I have one more week left of school, and then I'm off for a semester.  I'm not quite sure what I'm going to do with myself until October!  I was just hit with the stunning realization that I'm going to *miss* school.  Me.  Miss school.  I'm the girl that hated, loathed and detested school until college.  Granted I think a lot of it had to do with the social situations in high school, and the rigidity of the curriculum.  Still.  I'm going to miss school?  This just hit me, I really enjoy school.  As much as I love staying at home with my son, at three he's not the most intellectually stimulating person I've ever met.  Discussions about Mickey Mouse or trying to convince him (as he is my son, and about as stubborn as his mother) that cleaning is a good idea don't really ring my bell.  Even the classes I dread, or don't really enjoy (math anyone?) are somehow a welcome break.  I think it's because it's the one thing in my life just now that is just about me.  As selfish as it sounds, at school I am Bonnie.  I'm not a mom, a wife, or any of the other roles I hold, I'm just me.  And it's a relief.  So as of next week I get my 'summer vacation' for approximately 7-10ish weeks, and then we welcome our new son :)  I'm very excited about that.  I never thought I wanted kids when I was younger, but I can't imagine my life without my one son now.  I miss the sweet baby stage!  As much as I love the fact that my 3 year old is more independent now, I miss the sweet baby smell and cuddles and closeness of a baby.  B.  was never a 'difficult' baby, so maybe that's why I miss it so much.  He didn't really cry, or fuss.  He just wanted to be held all the time, and since he was my first I had plenty of time to do it :)  I shouldn't really complain, as my 'baby' is still only three.  As much as I rejoice in his growing up and learning new things, a part of me is panicking and thinking it is going by way too fast!  The irrational part of me is screaming that it has *not* been three years since my boy was born!  Alas, my baby is now into planes, trains and automobiles and is running from about 7 A.M till 8 or 9 at night.  He'll be joining mommy in school in just 2 years!!  (He already wants to :)  Doesn't understand why mommy gets to and he doesn't.  I guess I'm waxing reminiscent because I'm pretty sure this will be our last baby.  I'd like to leave the option for one more in the future, but I'm not sure how feasible this might be.  I'm only in the first year for my BA, and then I'm planning on graduate work as well.  If I keep having babies, I might be 90 before I get a job :)  I also got my SSA statement in the mail the other day and it made me realize that right now I'm worth more dead than alive!  Granted that might be because I'm not working at all right now, but when you can die and double your families income that's pretty sad.   So as much as I enjoy school, and know that in the end it will improve the quality of life for my family, right now it feels like a selfish indulgence.  In good news, my stepdad submitted DH's resume at his work and they called him!  Said he would probably be calling back in a couple of weeks to set up an interview.  I'm trying not to get my hopes up, but it's really hard.  The CFO quit at DH's current job and pulled DH aside and told him that finding another job would be a *very* good idea.  Apparently DH's boss is facing imminent bankruptcy unless he manages to win a huge contract within the next six months.  While this may not have been an ethical move on the CFO's part, I appreciate the head's up, but am a little nervous here.  Hopefully this job will come through.  Oh well enough babbling for today.