EEP

I GOT IT!!!! I GOT IT, I GOT IT, I GOT IT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! More later when there isn't an 18 month old on my lap.

Exhaustion

I am so tired! I think it's stress. Between W's getting laid off, B's birthday and my job I have been so stressed. I had an interview last Tuesday. It's a customer service position, for a night shift, at my stepdad's place of employment. I really, really, really want this job. It has amazing benefits, the atmosphere seemed so much friendlier than where I currently am and of course it's more money. While the night shift seems like a bad thing initially, it really isn't when you consider I could take day classes. As each day passes I get more and more disappointed and fatalistic. I didn't get it, so I tell myself so if I don't get it I won't be as disappointed. Yea right. (although, my stepdad works there! I mean how big a loser am I if I can't get in when I have a relative working there! Wait, don't answer that.)

As a night only student, I get gypped. In all of the classes I have taken for my major I have had one professor. Now don't get me wrong, some of the grad students I have had have been great. Unfortunately, a recommendation from a grad student on a grad school application isn't worth squat. By not having access to the professors, I am handicapped for getting into grad school. Another reason is that in my future profession (hopefully) research rules. If two students have equal grades and GRE scores, the one with the most research experience wins. In my experience, research is conducted 9-5. Even beyond these concerns is the variety of classes offered in night vs. day classes. Day wins every time. That was my deciding factor.

I have been seriously considering focusing my efforts on law school rather than my PHD. I can still make shitloads of money, and I don't need an internship. In order to be licensed by the APA I would need to have a supervised year long internship. As far as I've been able to tell, they are sparse in my area. If I don't get into one, I basically have to sit on my thumb for a year until they are picking up more interns. My only other options is to look into hospitals outside of our area and face the possibility of living apart from my husband and children for a year. I just can't do that. With law, there is a very good school about 5 minutes from where I live. They offer a program that can be done entirely at night, and in only 4 years. (or if I get this job, I can do it in three years during the day) The only problem is that I'm not passionate about the law. I am about Psychology. I find the subject facinating, engaging in a way I've never been engaged. But I guess at this point in my life financial security for my family is more important than a job I love. After all, I hate my job now. I'll be paid way better to hate my job as a lawyer. As for the long hours? Well during the school year I'm gone from 6:30 am to about 9:30-10:00 pm every night. Not much of a change, and again way more money. I know that no one ever said life was easy, I just wish it wasn't quite so damn hard.

Better

I'm better, I think. W's filed for unemployment, and is actually eligible! So we should be fine for a while. I went on an interview last week. It's more money, and a night shift! This is a good thing because I could take day classes. Many, many more classes are offered during the day. I haven't heard anything yet, and I'm trying to keep positive. It's not really working =)

It has been so hot here. 80's to 90's with high humidity. Ugh. W has a high thermostat, so he hasn't been sleeping and is a very cranky man. The kind of cranky that makes me long for my single days lol.

B will be 5 years old on Wednesday. I can't believe my baby will be five! We actually had to take him into the emergency room yesterday. We took W out for a father's day dinner, and W had taken B into the bathroom. B was leaving and the door slammed on his finger. He turned so pale and looked like he was going to pass out. We took him to the closest hospital and luckily it was only a contusion! Poor little guy. Well not so little guy. He's been trying to convince me that he *needs* a bowflex because he wants muscles. My 5 year old wants a bowflex. Yipee.