I'm sorry to anyone that still reads this, first trimester exhaustion has hit me full force. I hate this feeling of total lethargy. Ugh. Well I had my first pregnancy related emergency room visit. The baby is fine, I'm just paranoid. I had a 'threatened miscarriage' with my son last pregnancy (which basically meant I was bleeding and they couldn't figure out why) so if I think anything is wrong I go get seen. My Dr. was closed, so I went to the ER. Good news is we got another US, and it looks like a baby now! This pregnancy seems to be taking so much longer than DS's. Oh well. I'm back on a stitching kick. My (step)dad asked me to stitch a tribute to Jaime (see below) I am so honored. I ordered my first piece of hand dyed fabric for it, and while waiting for supplies I restarted TW's Fantasy Sampler (for the third time!!) The first time I had the fabric turned the wrong way, and didn't figure it out till I had a good chunk done, so in lieu of frogging I started again. The second time my lovely 2 year old grabbed it with spegetti hands. You can never get spegetti stains out. :P I told DH if something happens to this one, I'll take it as a sign from God that it wasn't meant to be :P Bad school news, I have completely lost my drive in school, good news I only have about 5 weeks left. I just want to nest and prepare for baby, not write silly papers that won't matter in the grand scheme of things beyond school. I have 1 summer class (was going to do three) I think with a break from this semester, I can handle one class. It's beginning spanish, and I took that in high school, so hopefully it will come back to me once I'm doing it every day. I have to take something rediculous like 12-14 hours of a foriegn language, so I figured I might as well take one I'm semi familiar with. Well I think that's all for now.

My husband did the most romantic thing this weekend. He kidnapped me! Ok, that sounds a little odd. For once we threw caution to the wind, said screw the expense, and we took a road trip. We drove to PA, and rented a hotel. DS was so excited to go swimming. He just kicked his legs like he was going to run across the water! I can tell he's going to be a fish, just like mommy! I don't think I have ever seen him so excited =) It was nice to get away from all the worries and crunches of home life, if only for a day. In other news, my stepdads dog had to be put to sleep =( He was so devastated. My stepdad has never had kids, so Jaime was like his daughter. It wasn't a surprise, she had been going downhill for a while. That doesn't ease the hurt any. So, if anyone out there is the praying sort, please say one for my stepdad and Jaime. Jaime, you will be missed.

I had my first ultrasound!! Beautiful baby (ok looks like a tadpole at this point, but I'm hormonal and I say it's beautiful) HB 163 beats per minute! I'm so relieved.

I

I had my first Dr. appt. yesterday. It went well, was very very long though. Good news, I get an ultrasound on Monday!! Bad news, I may have to have a repeat c-section. I really would rather VBAC, but I guess for safety reasons they won't let me unless they can get my records from my old Dr. (in another state...) phooie. All in all I'm doing great. Been really tired, no morning sickness tho. I have only found one food aversion (tuna). We have names all picked out!! Well dinner calls :) Hopefully I will be able to post more often!

Well I have my first Dr.'s appointment today. It's not really a Dr. appointment, it's a pregnancy confirmation appointment. Apparently my insurance isn't sure that I can manage peeing on a stick all by myself :P I've been awful crampy lately so paranoid me went out and bought another test and sure enough the pregnancy line came up nice and dark, but the control line was barely there...I told my mom I think that means I'm really pregnant, but barely human :D I'm really trying to enjoy this pregnancy b/c Dh and I have pretty much decided that if it's a girl it will be our last. I might convince him to try one more time if it's a boy, but that's a big maybe. It's kind of hard to enjoy at this point b/c I'm just getting all the yuk stuff now. Oh well :)

	Bedtime Bear You are usually asleep on the job but that's okay because your job is to make sure everyone gets enough sleep! You're shy and sweet...when you are actually awake! Getting sleepy already?
Take the Which Care Bear Are You? Quiz!

Ok I think a major reason I got this is b/c I'm pregnant and exhausted......:P Oh and I blabbed already :) Oh well

Holy Cow!!! I have such big ginourmous news....Kind of ironic considering my last post :D I'm preggers!!! I'm so scared and elated all wrapped into one. Now I'm only about 5 weeks (4 weeks 5 days) and for all the TWBBers out there I am going to post, I'm just going to try (note the word try here!) to wait till I'm a little further along. We are looking at a due date of November 1, although I went two weeks early with DS. Funny thing, If I go two weeks early for this one, I'll have the baby on my birthday :) Yay!!!! What I'm planning to do with school is take classes over the summer, and take the fall off. Hopefull I'll go back in the spring of next year! The baby will be about three months old then. I really want a baby girl :) I made a joke to DH that if it's a girl and I have to have another c-section I can tell the doc to just tie the tubes while he's in there =) I'm just soooooooo excited!!!!

Woo Hoo!!! I got a B- on my paper/presentation for Dr. Intimidation!!! And he's letting me rewrite if I want to improve on that. Color me relieved =D (I need WG's green grinny for this one!!!) I talked with him after class tonight and told him that part of my problem is that I've never had to deal with the in depth analysis of literature before. I'm used to reading something and taking it at pretty much face value. This interpreting everyline for some deep earth shattering meaning is confuzzling the heck out of me. DS got his stitches out on Tuesday. His finger looks pretty good, although there might be a scar. On the other hand he had double hernia surgery a year ago and you can barely see the scars from that. How I wish I had his skin! I was telling my mom today I wish I could find my biological clock and kill it. I have been wanting another baby so bad I can taste it. Now is *not* the time to have one! That and I'm pretty sure we would need medical intervention...DH and I have opposite blood types (pos & neg), and he was told that he couldn't father children. (Hence DS being a complete surprise!!!) Does any of this stop me from wanting another one? Nope. :P So I drive myself crazy monthly. I hate hormones. I was a little surprised by the quiz results (see below) yet it's mostly true. Except I don't have an accent...(at least I don't think midwesterners have one.) and I really don't have an affinity for straw hats....I haven't worn one since I was about a year old =) O.K. nuff babbling (I got a B!!!)

Found this on Lorna's blog....

You're Adventures of Huckleberry Finn!

by Mark Twain

With an affinity for floating down the river, you see things in black
and white. The world is strange and new to you and the more you learn about it, the less
it makes sense. You probably speak with an accent and others have a hard time
understanding you and an even harder time taking you seriously. Nevertheless, your
adventurous spirit is admirable. You really like straw hats.


Take the Book Quiz
at the Blue Pyramid.

Thanks Angi and WG for your comments =) I was in the midst of a pity party :P.

We got a second car!! Ok, kind of =) My mom got a new car, and the dealership wasn't going to give her anything for her old car so she gave it to us. That makes me feel bunches better :) DH went on a cleaning rampage last night. I think I may have to hurt him. The problem is that he is a minimalist. He likes very uncluttered spaces, clean lines. I am the complete opposite. I like lots of things crowded around me. I like them to be neat, but I like them there. It feels cozy to me. Well in his cleaning "fit" he completely rearranged the living room, all trying to make the room look bigger! Now it doesn't help that we both want cigarettes badly, and have been snapping at eachother all weekend... I tried explaining that the only way to make the room look bigger would be to remove some furniture and he is *not* getting rid of my comfy furniture. Silly man. That and he keeps trying to move my stash!!! I have about six kitted projects in a basket he keeps trying to shove into our spare room. He seems to think I only need to have one project out at a time...(he also seems to think that I need to finish something before buying anything else, little does he know). Well DS wants me to play so off I go =)

Ok, so I've been disappointed thinking that no one reads my blog. In a way that's fine because it's a catharsis for me, in another way it feels kind of crappy because it seems like no one cares. I also know I tend to be paranoid about stuff like this because I've always been the invisible girl. Oh well. I did my presentation. It did not go as well as I hoped. This was mainly my fault because I pushed it off until it was due, which happened to be the day that DS hurt his finger. I wasn't exactly thinking clearly. I'm still disappointed because I really wanted to impress my teacher. He is a great guy and his opinion means a lot to me. I have to expand on the presentation for a paper due on Tuesday. I'm just going to buckle down and pray I do better =) It seems that all the people I'm closest to have been hiding things from me because they "don't want to upset me" It seems a little silly. I'm not made of glass. If I get upset, I'll get over it, that's the way life works. For instance, yesterday DH had a really rough day at work (kind of an ongoing situation, boss is a real jerk and takes it out on DH b/c he knows DH can't afford to quit.) He doesn't call me to talk about it because he's afraid I'll get upset. Money is really tight right now, and we are slowly starting to get in a semi-comfortable position from when he got laid off 3 years ago. Now he called my mom to talk about it, which is great! DH is a foster child, so I'm thrilled he's 'adopted' my mom and feels comfortable talking to her. I wish he would do the same for me. My mom also told me today that she had a job offer in Texas. She turned it down, but didn't want to tell me about it until she knew for sure what was happening, again so I wouldn't be upset. Now yea it would suck if she moved. We moved here so DS would be close to grandma, and they are the only people we know here. On the other hand, if that's what they needed to do, again that's life. It seems almost like they don't trust me. I am far from being made of glass =) I'm trying Flylady (again) for the 4 billionth time. My inherently skeptical nature just does not let me believe that shining my sink will lead to a friendly clutter free abode. I need a brain transplant =) Well it's late and I'm starting to mistype everything so to bed I go!

:(~~~~

I'm such a bad mommy :( My poor baby cut his finger, badly. We were in the kitchen and I turned my back and he grabbed a butcher knife. Not just any old knife but a big old butcher knife. So a trip to the ER and two stitches later we're back home. (you say two stitches is no big deal, he's two, his fingers aren't that big). I feel awful...

Argh!

Why is it that whenever I sit down to write something, I get writers wall? I have been trying to write a commentary on Ibsen's Hedda Gabler, I know what I want to say and I can't get it out. I'm also trying to quit smoking and the only thing that is going through my head is "I want a cigarette" DH is also trying to quit, and we had a huge fight this morning. So what do I do? I get cigarettes, and now I hate myself for it. It's one of those head banging against a wall problems.

It's been a while.

Well it has been a while since I've written :) Things of note...DH and I had our 3rd anniversary. It's funny but it doesn't feel like just 3 years. In some ways it feels like he has always been around. It's kind of the same with my son, it just feels like he's always been a part of my life...We aren't really doing anything for the anniversary, we don't really have the money so we are just having a family night :) The upside is that this Saturday is one of the universities scheduled "off weekend" so I don't have to go to school tomorrow :) In semi ucky news I have done our taxes. We made way more than I thought we did so I'm just hoping it doesn't affect my financial aid. Hey if nothing else I can hawk us up to our eyebrows in loans :D There are 4 good sized hospitals right around were I live not to mention all the other towns/clinics near us so chances are I'll get a good job quickly after I graduate. I'm loving my Great Books class. The professor formerly known as Dr. Intimidation is amazing. Don't get me wrong...I'm still petrified about doing my presentation, but the professor is awesome. He makes me think, and see things in a different light. I come out of his class feeling alive! I also come out of his class and babble for about 2 hours at my husband, but he doesn't mind and loves that I'm excited so hey :) It bothers me about the other students though. They are sitting in class and complaining about *everything*! This course isn't what they expected, they don't understand it, they don't like the readings blah blah blah. I guess maybe because I went back later in life, and am paying for it myself I'm a little more laid back about it. I know college isn't the end of the world, and one class is not going to ruin my life....I dunno, they just seem awful whiny ;)

Back to the bump and grind...

Well after a couple of eventful days weatherwise, we are back to normal. I actually had class tonight, and had my first quiz. I know I missed at least one question (hopefully that's it!) I have started reading the Mitford series by Jan Karon. I've been seeing 'blips' on this series for over a year now, so I figured I would try it out. It seems like sometimes the universe keeps pointing things out to me repeatedly until I pay attention (this book is one of them!) I first noticed it being reviewed on Good Morning America, then it was recommended on a readers group I belong to, then I saw it mentioned in a couple of blogs and so on and so forth. So I give into the universe and maybe it will quiet down for a while :) DS was acting oddly today...He barely ate, and slept from about 4:30 on. He doesn't have a fever, so I'm hoping it was maybe just a blah day. (Do two year olds have blah days?) I'm really really ready for spring. I'm just getting all discombobulated (I love that word :) ) I have no motivation for anything. I don't want to clean, read, do homework. If I could get away with it I would meld with my recliner till March. For instance, am I trying to decipher tonights Stats lecture? Nope I'm sitting here typing for you good people. In stitching news, I am almost finished with my first project of 2004. You can see what it should look like here: Twinkle It's really cute, and reminds me of one of my online friends :) Well I think I've put off homework long enough!

Colors..

Saw this on Prinn's blog, I got blue =)

BLUE You give your love and friendship unconditionaly. You enjoy long, thoughtful conversations rich in philosophy and spirituality. You are very loyal and intuitive. Find out your color at Quiz Me!

Secrets...

I've got one!! and I'm about to burst I want to tell someone so badly, but that would ruin it!!ARGHHH!

The Time Has Come....

The time has come," the Walrus said,
"To talk of many things:
Of shoes- and ships- and sealing wax-
Of cabbages- and kings—
And why the sea is boiling hot-
And whether pigs have wings."

I love this poem, and Lewis Carrol :) It fits my mood tonight. I'm in a very "Alice In Wonderland" mood. I have seen several stitchers entries on the state of the union, and all I've got to say is bah. I liked Prinn's notion best (see Perle Moon) in that she has her opinion and it's not worth arguing over...I agree. I have my opinion and no one is going to change that. Nope not going to publish it here, cuz I don't even want to discuss it. =)

In other news =) a stitcher from the TWBB really made my night tonight. It seems kind of silly that something as simple as an e-mail can perk up my day. She said she really respected all that I'm juggling right now (which almost made me laugh considering how much she has on her plate!!) It came at just the right time, because I was starting to get down about how chaotic my life is. Deep down I know school is worth it, I really love going. It makes me feel alive to be fed all of this information. I have this niggling little voice that sits in the back of my head giving me doubts, making me second guess myself. Luckily, I have a *very* supportive husband, and all of the people on the TWBB are incredibly supportive!

I had my stats class tonight, I think I'm going to hurt my teacher :P The last class she had, she went very fast (which I love!) This class, she went sooooo slow I had to fight to stay awake. Now this is the meek little mouse teacher, so she is either finally getting comfortable with this class, or someone complained about the lightning fast pace. A part of me disagrees with it if someone complained. This is college, if you can't meet the standards you shouldn't be there. It sounds kind of harsh to put it that way, but I always thought that once you reached college the days of classes being taught to the lowest commondenominatorr were over. You could either do it, or you couldn't. I don't mean to sound cruel here. The last thing I want is to imply I'm superior to anyone. I probably just have a skewed view of higher education =) Completely possible as my views are always slightly off, it's part of my charm darn it!

I'd like to ponder the joys of my two year old for a moment =) He polyurethaned my monitor today. How did he get polyurethane you ask? Well my husband does wood burning, and uses an oil based polyurethane to protect the results. He had a work area set up in our dining room (which we never use as a dining room, long story) The dining room is onlyaccessiblee when I'm in the kitchen, we keep it blocked off at all other times. Well my too smart for his own good son, snuck in the dining room while I was fixing dinner, stole the polyurethane (in a spray can) and snuck upstairs to the den. I went searching when the house got quiet (always a sign of trouble with a toddler) and wah lah....schellacked monitors. Moral of the story folks....Rubbingalcoholl does remove oil based polyurethanes from monitors.... Thank you Wendy =) We got the boys hair cut this weekend and he looks so much older!! It amazes me how much he has grown. A part of me is so proud of the big boy he is becoming, and another part of me wants to keep him my baby forever. Oh well the joys of being amommye. Well I better run, as DH wants my computer (yay *I* have the good puter now =) )

Things I love.

Since my last couple of entries were me bi*ching I thought I would list some things I love...
I love that if my son is hurt or upset, I am the one he runs to.
I love that my husband got me flowers, just because I made Dean's List.
I love that my anniversary is coming up and just about a week.
I love that I'm in school.
I love the Wendy's Chicken BLT salad.
I love the way my son cuddles.
I love the way he makes *me* put him in bed.
I love being close to my mom.
I love financial aid checks in the mail.
I love that my mom thinks my cross stitch is beautiful.
I love the fact that I woke up this morning (even if it was way too early!)
I love the fact that even though it's cold enough to freeze a well digger's rear off, the sun is shining.
I love my poor little rosebush that I planted last summer.
I love the blue of a sky in the middle of summer.
I love that my husband spoils me rotton =)
I love to remember all that I have, instead of dwelling on all that I don't.

More Changes...

Ok, the last template was just too upbeat for my current mood, so I'm changing again =) This is much more subdued and fits my mid-winter blues....adjustments still to be made.